I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
