Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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