Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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