Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
