my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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