Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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