If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize