The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
