Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
