She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
