There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Randomize
