I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I think people are normalizing furries
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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