why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
