I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Randomize
