and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Randomize