Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
