The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize