I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
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