just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Randomize