If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize
