Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
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