She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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