one two three fourrrrnication!
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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