She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
