Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
