This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
COCAINE IS GR8
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
