I think im going to throw up on grandma
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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