who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
