I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
What a dumb baby whore.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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