the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
