I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Randomize
