Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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