I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
