I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
