Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
