Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
