I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
