Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
