The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Randomize
