Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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