we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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