Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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