Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
