9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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