grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
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