lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
