I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
