i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
