She went from zero to smokin in five shots
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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