OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
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