Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
