ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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