I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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