Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Randomize
