Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
