I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I need water and some morals
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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