I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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