Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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