she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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