hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize