My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
