It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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