Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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