Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
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