hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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