I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
