Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
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