sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
It's shark week go big or go home
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
