ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
