So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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