Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
