good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Randomize
