Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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