i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
