just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
