Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
