Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
