I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize