i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
