I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
