you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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