Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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