Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
