My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
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